Who am I?Where am I?

13 September 2009

Funny Email

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.. I
dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something
that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot,
I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid
with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He
said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with
Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!

What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys.. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time. "All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40.

Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, I opened the bag of cold food and a look at the $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home!


11 September 2009

Health Care Reform

I have watched President Obama's speech and have to comment.

First, I just called my Congressman and Senators (from the UAE) to let them know that I support health care reform that includes a public option. You can use this site to get the phone numbers for both of your Senators and your Representative. I urge you to do the same or write a letter/e-mail to them. We need to let our voices be heard on this issue. Talk to the staffers manning the phones. If your Representative does not agree with President Obama's plan, you will likely hear several examples of malapropism and a total obfuscation of the issue. I just called Representative Wittman. Patrick answered my call. He was very helpful. He informed me that Representative Wittman "supported cheaper health care, health care for all who do not have it, and support a safe and secure health care system using the established system." Barack Obama has said on his website that his plan will provide stability to the system, lessen the cost of health care, and provide insurance to those who do not currently have it. So in short, Rep. Wittman supports President Obama's plan as long as the established system is kept intact. In other words, health care reform is fine as long as big health insurance companies, the pharmaceuticals, the medical equipment companies that charge a ridiculous amount of money for their products, and the doctor's who are getting rich off of the current system all continue to benefit. Thanks, but no thanks.

I also made a contribution to a Political Action Committee that is trying to unseat Joe Wilson...the noisome Representative who yelled "liar" during last night's speech. How anyone who voted for Bush could call Obama a liar (can you say weapons of mass destruction) is beyond me. I am urging everyone to do the same and try to unseat Representatives such this. For more information you can check out ACT Blue and click on the link for Rob Miller. Help Rob Miller defeat Joe Wilson!

Nomadic Richard